Buy This Original Oil Painting of Channing Tatum’s Ballsack for the Low Price of $230

(Vice) Buy This Original Oil Painting of Channing Tatum’s Ballsack for the Low Price of $230

By Bettina Makalintal Sep 19 2019, 5:03pm

You’re an adult now. It’s time to buy some real art.

If we’re being optimistic, growing up means leaving a lot of things behind: goodbye to puking after a night of chugging as many cheap beers you can find, living exclusively on powdered mac and cheese, and that trifecta of awful college dorm room posters (John Belushi in Animal House, Pink Floyd’s “Back Catalogue,” and the inescapable black-and-white WWII soldier kiss). As we age, we begin to consider the pleasures of “adult” things: buying a couch instead of a futon, drinking beers other than Natty Light, and maybe even investing in art—which, for most people, probably means ordering a print off Society6 of a monstera leaf, or a framed version of Gustav Klimt’s “The Kiss.”

But come on, you can do better than that. Why order another cliche print of a plant when you can have real art, made by an artist with vision, attention to detail, and imagination? You can have… this original painting featuring Channing Tatum’s full ballsack. This link, it should go without saying, is NSFW… OK, fine, here’s a screenshot!

The realistic portrait is now up for grabs in a listing from eBay seller apollo25. Expertly executed by Los Angeles artist Chris Mann, the oil-on-wood original painting depicts Tatum sitting and wearing nothing but a gray sweater, which the Magic Mike actor tugs at slightly with one hand. His bare right leg is bent in an act of slight self-censorship, but the bulk of his balls is left shining in the light. It is *chef’s kiss* a masterpiece.

According to the description, Mann’s work is “charged with emotional resonance, rife with sensuality,” and while we’re not art experts, that holds up. Sold? You’ve got 3 days left to bid, as of this writing, or the whole thing can be yours for a Buy It Now bid of $230.

So buy the Channing Tatum ballsack painting, and hang it on your wall in a frame instead of with sticky blue goo. You’re a goddamn adult now.

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